Any headline that lists a number of reasons, secrets, types, or ways will work because it makes a very specific promise of what’s in store for the girl when she reads your profile.Falling in love or finding a great catch should be enjoyable.

But do we really have any idea what it's doing to them?

Do you know the secret language they are speaking to each other that they don't want their parents or teachers to understand?

Eddie: "Dear Eddie, by the time you read this I will be dead. Now we're good friends Eddie, we've known each other for a long time, we can talk. They fill his pockets full of change, push him into The Woolpack, and shout "Go on mate!

And you'll spend the rest of your life wandering around on all fours looking for the light switch. And then at closing time they give him a wage packet. Richie: [looking disgusted] And they let children play this, you say? Richie: Well, it's the season of goodwill and peace on Earth, so I thought I'd chop both its feet off, rip out its innards, strip it, shove an onion up its arse and bung it in a very hot place for four hours until its completely burnt.

If you don't shut up and let me watch "Miss World" I'm going to stuff your head up your bum. My main castles are scattered all over the place, you know, ‘cause I never know where I’m going to be…‏ bloody fox hunts go on for ever these days, don’t you find? Start off in “Burke—shire”, end up in, ah, eh eh, Twat—shire! And apparently, if a prawn goes all the way he turns into a queen!

oh God, you can't say anything without some dreadful double entendre lurking around the corner!

In May 2013, as part of a review into motorway fuel prices, Prime Minister David Cameron said motorway services could be forced to advertise their fuel prices in advance, but to date there has been no obvious progress in making these changes, nor has there been an update on tackling high motorway fuel prices, the RAC said.

Williams added: 'We feel it's only fair that the motorist is able to make a choice about how much they want to pay for fuel before coming off at the exit and having to accept whatever they are presented with.

If I was alive I would forgive you, but I'm not, so I can't, so you'll just have to live with it.

I know you'll be feeling terribly guilty but don't blame yourself, although it really is your fault. Well not even a good one, any old one would have done; slap a wig on a 'Speak your Weight' machine, he'd have been happy. [Plays some keys on Richie's electric organ] Well, this ought to fetch a few quid. And there is something I have been meaning to say to you for the last twenty-five years.

A driver filling up at Reading services' BP motorway station on the M4 yesterday would have paid 137.9p a litre for petrol and 138.9p for diesel.